Fear or Desire?

This fortune popped up as Jacob and I moved some things around yesterday. Oddly enough, it perfectly reflects how I feel about the approaching new year.

Christmas brought some of the most beautiful moments I can remember. I helped a friend sort themselves out, Jacob and I found yet another way to share our love, and we spent the day in happy quietness. We received lots of goodies and presents that we are incredibly grateful for (thanks friends and family). And greatest of all, we made room for the spirit of peace to enter our home.

Yet now that Christmas lies behind us, the New Year approaches. 2012 seems a loaded year for many of us. The supposed apocalyspe (which I don’t believe is upon us just yet), the year I turn twenty. Quite a few friends have told me how much lays ahead in this next year, and I feel it is a year of great change for me as well.

Yet whatever my spirit senses of next year, there lays a lot of fear and aprehension mixed with any feelings of improvement. Next year, I plan to push for publication of my book (I still have a lot of work on writing it, so that’s why I’m waiting til next year to work on publishing it.) I also have the privilege of going to my first literature conference in February.

Jacob will very likely have a career advancement. Yet something inside of me quakes at the thought of what may come upon us next year. I can’t help but look back at that fortune. This coin manifests itself in both ways: I am feeling fear and desire for the potential next year holds. Yet are both healthy to have?

Five Days remain of 2011. Will I prove true in fighting the good fight?

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