I felt this question merited quite the response today:
What topics keep you up at night, or help you fall asleep?
Last night in particular answers this question very well.
Gender, sexuality, how the two relate, religion vs. church vs. churchgoers, abortion, politics and chocolate all happened last night.
I don’t feel too pooped, but Jacob had a hard time waking up. I’ve had a lot of things on my mind as of late. Last night, Jacob tried to help me sort out these issues.
In short, a lot of what keeps me up are the contradictions in the world. Female and woman are not the same in my mind, yet many who are female are expected to act like a woman. Each society has a preconceived notion of what a “woman” or a “man” is, and often tries to superimpose that on any female or male. I do not like this.
I could spend an entire post concerning why I view female and woman as separate things, so I will not go further into it here. However, I do think I should explore it further, so be on the look out for a post about that.
The other topics fit into the larger topic of “contradictions of the world”. Sexuality is better explained with a discussion of the preconceived notions of what female and woman mean, so I will leave that one for later as well.
Religion vs. church vs. churchgoers. You know, I think I will specify that a bit further.
Spirituality vs. religion vs. implementation on people.
Here is an example to illustrate the differences.
I myself belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I believe that the doctrines it teaches are perfect and absolutely true. Those feelings are the spiritual part, or what I like to call my knowledge of the gospel. Religion would then be “The Church” itself, the institution set up to teach and practice these doctrines for its people.
The implementation on people then are sort of a combination. They are those who believe in some strength or another and come to church to practice their faiths and improve upon them. This is where the problems occur for me.
If you have been following my blog, you will know that I strongly cry for the respect of human agency, no matter the source. However, not many share my belief. Anywhere people congregate, there will be those who strongly disagree with me, or at least do not see things the way I do.
Maybe they don’t have an understanding of human agency, maybe they don’t believe it exists. But for whatever reason, those who do not agree with me insist that other people are wrong. They declare those actions invalid and cry out for a change of ways. Because I am so close to the matter, I see a lot of these people in my church.
Before I go on, I need to set a few things straight. By no means am I indicating that the church is made only of these people and that no one in the church understands or stands with me. I am also not suggesting that the church is the only place that has these types of people. This is just the easiest example to share.
I do not want to have kids. This decision may change later on, but for the time being, that is how both Jacob and I feel. Because The Church is so family centered, some of its followers have looked down on us for this point of view. Many act on the assumption that everyone will have kids, even if they don’t belong to the church. I do not agree with this assumption.
I don’t feel this post is an appropriate place to discuss abortion or politics. Both are matters that are incredibly touchy, and matters I am not ready to talk about just yet.
But as for chocolate…chocolate is the one topic that helps me sleep rather than keeps me up at night.
You see, when I am tired, I do not think through things as much as I ought to. So last night, when I got up to get a glass of water, I decided that getting a few pieces of chocolate was also a good idea (for some reason that neither Jacob or I have worked out). Between picking up the chocolates and walking through the door frame, I completely forgot I was even holding the chocolates and went back to bed.
I awoke this morning to find a puddle of chocolate covering my back, Jacob’s elbow and the underside of my pillow. I am still laughing about it.