For Lack of a Better Word

Busy-ness creates my life. I apologize.

Exactly a week ago, Easter Sunday, I came down with influenza AND the stomach flu.

Spent the whole week trying to catch up to homework and final projects while trying to stay alive. And then, everything turned into a bacterial infection which made it almost impossible for me to breathe.

Unfortunately the two medicines that help me stay functional create a nasty reaction in my head that is almost as bad as what they save me from.


This week I’ve learned a number of important things I need to share with the world.

Nothing stands as a reason good enough to forget love.


Being sick is so selfish. And yet there is no way to avoid it. When it happens, it happens and you just have to suffer through the consequences.

This weekend brought me some important realizations. If you work to share your love with others, whatever that love may be, people will support you. And sometimes, they will do everything in your power to make things a little better for you.

I’m speaking in generalities. Yesterday, Jacob and I went to a local writing conference that opened my eyes. One of the speakers (Owen Ashton) asked us what we were passionate about, what we wanted to write about to share with the world.

I have struggled with this question for the past year. Ever since I became so invested in writing, I felt that I needed a passion, some sort of driving force to keep me going. No matter how I tried, I could not answer that question and it really bothered me. Yet when Owen asked it, the answer came within a few seconds:

Human Behavior.

Now before you get excited, I’m not going to change my area of study. I’m not interested in becoming a psychologist or probing your mind.

No. My interest comes in how we interact with each other, how we perceive emotion and why. I’m interested in the behavior from a bystander’s point of view.

And that’s what Aberon is about, really. Eli observes his world as he comes out of the shell of childhood, unaware of the aspects of human behavior surrounding him. Suddenly, he’s thrust into this world where he’s expected to know what everyone is doing and how to respond properly and he’s completely lost. Even though it takes place on a completely different world, it’s one of the best coming of age stories. Eli has to learn all of this, give up all the comforts of his world to save his brother from the illness, to save his mother from a lifetime of suffering.

It’s my story. It’s your story. We all have that moment of loss, and yet we’ve all responded to it so differently.

I think Amy Wadsworth put it well at the conference. I, too, am an emotion junky. I like seeing what makes people tick, experiencing how we express our deepest emotions to those we love, and even those we don’t really know.

I don’t have as concrete of an experience with Paul Genesse, but I think meeting him was one of my favorite things that happened over the weekend. He reminded me of that passion for life that I had let slip out of my hands this past month. Talking with him reminded me that I still have something important to share with the world, and it’s my job to find the people that will help me deliver it right.

And to wrap up the beautiful, astounding weekend, I remembered love. Jacob and I are capable of carrying out a conversation with just our eyes. Tonight, we finally took the time to just look at each other and we both cried.

I want to say that I will not forget this love, but I know that there will come a time just as busy and horrible as the one I’ve just gone through that will choke out that beautiful, warm feeling of love that only exists in a few places. And when that time comes, I will go through a similar period of weeping and loneliness before I remember how sacred, how gentle and safe that conversation of love is.

That’s one of the main things that draws me to human behavior. We can experience the same emotions, the same lessons and set of events over and over, and yet learn something new from them each time. Discovering that feeling of remembrance will never get old.

Not for me.

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