I want to eat healthy. Not so that I can become skinny and gorgeous, no. I want to feel healthy, I want a healthy body and I want to feel fit and clean inside and out.
Sometimes I feel like my body wants to sabotage itself. I crave foods that I know will cause me problems, not just foods that I know are bad for me. Thursday night I ate out twice and I ate really oily food really late at night. My intestines have been in excruciating pain ever since. When I eat sugar, I experience painful migraines, but today I ate about 100g of it (which is 5x the amount you’re supposed to have) because I had a huge craving I couldn’t say no to.
Why do these things happen? I don’t understand why I can’t turn down food that I know will hurt me. The problem is not that I can’t stop myself from eating food I know is bad for me, I understand why that happens. But why can’t I stop myself from eating food that causes me excruciating pain after I eat it? I suffer for days, and yet I still eat the food.
Sometimes I feel like I will never be healthy. I don’t care if I have the sexiest body around, I just want to know that I won’t have to depend on medicine to keep me alive (more than I already do with my nut allergy) or that I’ll have to depend on heavy medicare to keep living. I just want to be healthy and I want to make and keep goals that will help me get healthy. I’m good at keeping them for a time, but then I get sick from eating and I get incredibly discouraged and feel like I will never get healthy again.
I need a little encouragement here. What do you do on days where you feel like you messed up so bad that you can’t keep going?