To Carry On

Somedays the only reason I tell people that everything is okay when it’s not is because I just don’t want to talk about it. But when you tell people that things aren’t as great as the world says they should be, they always want to know what’s wrong.

Well, here’s what’s wrong. I’m sick. I have been for a while. I don’t know what with or why. The doctors don’t seem to know either.

exhausted

I don’t want to be sick. Somedays, if I work enough, or if I distract myself enough, then I can forget that I’m sick, but not for long. I’ve seriously been struggling with this for seven years and it seems that now is one of those times when I can’t just tuck it away or forget about it.

I’m trying the doctors again, this time listing every symptom I can think of and how much it affects me. I hope and I pray that they can give me some answers, because this is no way to live.

But, it’s a miracle somedays that I can get out of bed. That I can go to college and lead a somewhat successful life. If I wasn’t sick, I’d probably be a straight-A student. I’d be the perfect, honors student that’s involved in everything. How many sick people do you know of that can still stick it through college? I don’t know many.

I work so hard because I don’t want to be forgotten. But somedays, I wonder if it’s even worth the work. The world moves on so fast that if something is not in their attention or constantly in their face, they will move on. I can’t keep up with that, especially not like this.

So for now, it’s all I can do to carry on. Please don’t forget me. I think I need support now more than ever.

Love you all.

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