Progress

I don’t remember ever being so committed to something before.

Today is my last day of the modified fast. Today is the hardest day by a long shot. I think the withdrawal symptoms are hitting me hardest and I don’t know if I feel safe leaving the house for fear that I will ruin all of the progress I’ve made. Once tomorrow rolls around, I’ll actually begin introducing other foods into my diet and see how my body reacts to them.

I believe that I am addicted to sugar and that I need to stay away from it. My body sometimes refuses to function without it, but lately I’ve been needing to eat more than usual in order for it to help me feel energetic. I don’t want to become dependent on anything. I’m not super comfortable relying on medicine to keep me alive (I know that at this point it’s a necessity, so I’m not trying to avoid it, but I don’t like it).

I’m doing what I think is right for me. I believe that each person has different dietary needs and handles foods differently than someone else. I happen to have a sensitive body. I can’t handle sugary or fatty foods without getting a stomachache or headache. I feel miserable when I eat them. Now, even though I seriously want to eat anything that isn’t rice, lamb, lentils or pears, physically those symptoms are gone. I feel better (albiet more tired, as my nutrient intake became severely limited for a few days) and I like it this way. And if having a great quality of life means avoiding foods that are probably not good for me anyways, then yes, I’m going to do that.

I request that you respect my decision to refrain from foods that are not good for me. I’ve heard it many times “it sucks that you can’t eat this”. To mean, these words hurt more than the ability to not eat the food. I don’t think that it’s a big deal until I’m reminded that I can’t eat like everyone else. Social gatherings have become nightmarish for me. I feel rude, asking what’s in everything, almost as if I’m questioning the integrity of the person. But the fact of the matter is, food is hard for me. It hurts me quite easily and I must be careful. I can’t let it get the best of me and honestly, I can’t eat a lot. But I’m learning to accept that, and I wish the people around me could accept it, too.

 

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