In Which I Am Somewhat Frightened

There’s something terrifying about not knowing what will happen in your life after a certain point.

Up until now, I’ve planned for school. Even after graduating high school, I knew (somewhat) where I was going because I had college.

But when I graduate in May…that’s it. I have a plan to work my butt off to earn my right to be a novelist and YouTube creator, but there’s no guarantee. I could make it big right away, or I could work 60+ hour weeks and only have 100 people watch what I make. It could be years, months, weeks or days, I have no way of knowing.

That’s the scariest thing about doing something on your own, there’s no guarantee of success.

So how can I do this knowing that I might crash and burn?

Because I might not. It might just take a little faith and a lot of hard work at first. But once something catches on, then I will have made it. All writers I have spoken to (or have heard them talk) figured it out eventually. For some of them it took a while, but they never gave up. I heard of one guy that accumulated 100’s of rejection letters, and now he’s consistently on the New York Times Bestseller’s list.

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That’s a whole lot of rejection letters.

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I am scared. I’m scared that it will take years before I can start achieving my dream. I’m scared people will look down on me and think I’m wasting my time, or not being productive, or even that I’m just using this as an excuse to stay at home and play games. I’m scared that no one will see my merit.

I’m scared that no one will want to hear what I have to say.

I’m scared that I’ll die and be forgotten 10 years after my death.

I’m scared of not making a difference in a world where most of us can think of more reasons to cry than we can come up with reasons to get out of bed in the morning.

And that’s exactly why I have to try. Because I will be more upset for not trying than for trying and failing.
Never give up. No, never.

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