Just a few days ago, I asked for good vibes, prayer and support.
It hasn’t even been a week and I’ve already noticed a huge difference in how I look at life and how I feel.
Now that I’ve taken the time to turn away from all of the things that are wrong and instead look at the positive things, I feel so much lighter.
So I want to take some time to enumerate the thinking patterns, behaviors and reactions that have changed for the better. I do this for my own benefit, but also for the benefit of others. With mental issues, it is often incredibly difficult to see changes. It’s not tangible. It’s not something someone can just observe from start to finish. Therefore, people don’t know about my progress unless I share it with them.
Panic attacks now only happen a couple of times per week. This may sound like a lot to you, but before I started therapy, I would have at least one per day, if not more. I haven’t had an unmanageable issue with panic or anxiety for the past three days. That is HUGE for me.
I have been able to successfully fight off PTSD episodes. I have been able to reason with myself and see that the past isn’t happening right now. I can see that people around me support me and care about me. Even a month ago, that was incredibly difficult to see and not explain it away with something like “Yeah, but they’re only doing it because they want something out of me”.
More and more, I am able to recognize my limits and respect them. With the issues that I have, if I push through it or ignore what is going on, it gets so much worse. Basically, I am learning and applying saying no.
I can talk about this with other people. The fact that I’m even writing about it on my blog is HUGE! A big part of my disorder is believing that I can’t bother people with my problems, that my problems mean nothing, that I can’t struggle, that I can’t need things or I will hurt others and they will hurt me. Logically, I understand that this isn’t true. But emotionally? I’ve had a hard time recognizing that. I’m beginning to, I’m nowhere near where I want to be, but I’m getting there.
One of the biggest helps to me so far is having so many people accept me for who I am, where I am, and what I’m going through. In the past, I’ve had a lot of people discount my struggles because they couldn’t see them. But that hasn’t happened for a long time. Instead, people will ask me what I need, how they can help or even how I’m doing.
Please keep doing this. Just knowing that the people in my life support me where I’m at is huge. I am doing my best to get better. I’m not just complacent to stay where I am. I don’t want to be sick the rest of my life. I don’t want to be ruled by my disorders. So I’m doing everything I can to get out from under them, to heal from all of the pain I’ve ignored for so long.
Thank you. You’ve helped me in a way I don’t think I could help myself.